I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
