last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
