Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
