big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
