I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
