Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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