im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You can't just leave with hair like that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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