why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
