I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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