things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I didn't notice because vodka
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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