Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I enjoy the company of your penis
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