Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
