whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
