Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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