Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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