I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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