so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
