You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
