One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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