Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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