you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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