Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
