Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
