this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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