Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
