Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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