I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
