I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
