that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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