if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
