pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
