I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
