I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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