Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
