i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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