This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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