Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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