Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
