just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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