it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
