Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
