Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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