what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
