I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were trust falling into bushes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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