I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
