i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize