I cannot find my penis.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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