if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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