Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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