btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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