Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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