Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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