i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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