the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize