I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize