The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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