I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
