I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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