I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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