I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
