I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize