census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
