11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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