Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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