there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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