I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
