just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
