We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
