i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
