It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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