She's JV to your varsity
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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