toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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