at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize