Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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