I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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