Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
